Dearest Blog ; Monday, December 28, 2009
The Ugly Truth
You hid the truth from me for 2 months..
原来我一直被你利用，没想到你会做出这种事。你伤得我好深。
Insomnia, lost of appretite and weight have become part of my life, i can't control myself.
I have started to drink wine to get myself to sleep. Jan Jan i have become same as you le. How?
每天都在麻醉自己，希望能忘掉一切。越想忘记却忘不了。
♥信望爱♥
{*7:04 AM}
Dearest Blog ; Thursday, December 24, 2009
my 2010 wishes: iphone, police watch, car license, degree, and lastly bike license. Yes bike license, the reason why? i used to have phobia of riding a bike, but now, i'm not afraid of death anymore. Even if i have to risk my life, i'll succeed in overcoming all obstacles to get the license.
Friends out there, wish me good luck (=
♥信望爱♥
{*6:46 PM}
Dearest Blog ; Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I had a really bad day today. My tears almost drop uncontrollably when i kanna scolding from boss. I only one person, with only 1 pair of eyes, 1 mouth, 1 pair of hands and legs. How much can i do when i am given so many appointment?
Last Christmas i give you my heart, but the very next year. you gave it away.
Christmas eve and Christmas is coming, buddies are all attached.
I dunno what to do, dunno where to go, i'm all alone..
Lonely lonely Christmas, Merry Merry Christmas.
Why does all the bad things happen to me one after another?
I feel so lost, so empty, so lonely. How long can i hold on until? I'm really very tired le..
While you are missing another guy out there, do u know there's another one thinking of u? just like that past few months? today is the 11th day le.. you will never understand how i feel, how lonely i am, the feeling of after work go home but there's no one at home, no one to talk to, weekends and public holidays got nowhere to go, dunno what to do, because you are not the one being hurt..
I having flu and headache now.. eyes feel so tired and sleepy, but i dun wanna sleep so early.. is there anyone who will care?
I have already reach the stage where i can throw away my phone, because no one will contact me.. No matter what happens to me, alive or dead. No one bother or even care..
Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder. 你永远都不会发觉我对你的好，我对你的关心，我对你的爱。
♥信望爱♥
{*8:26 PM}
Dearest Blog ; Monday, December 21, 2009
痴情了1year 3 months，为了他我折磨自己，自我惩罚。到后来一切都回到了零点。是时候醒了不得不放弃死心了。也许接下来的路会很寂寞，我会好好过的。
♥信望爱♥
{*7:12 AM}
Dearest Blog ; Sunday, December 20, 2009
Sat
Went for my driving lesson 1-3pm, today is the first time i never "die engine", finally i improved le =p
after lesson went home.. received Janice sms that she gonna work OT until dunno wad time. at home watched tv until 630, buay batan the boredness and went to lanshop to play L4D2 until 730 Janice called and say she finished her work and we met at cheers.
Went to hv dinner at S11 and headed down to Bugis, a pity u cant find you sewing things. i'm amk got sell de =p Went to take neoprint with Janice, when the last time i take neoprint? hmmm.
After that headed home to bathe and meet Janice at her void deck and we drank Bailey's mint chocolate, original taste better hor?
Have a long chat, both of us have been through so much similarly, and you are more stronger than me, i could jia you too. You are right, since they are the ones who dunwan us, dun cherish us, why should we be sad and torture ourselves over them?
Sun
Wake up and happen to browse thru a sms sent by her: i had bad dreams that u dunwan me and left for another gal. But the truth is the opposite.
She seems happy, nothing affect her at all, she seems so happy, her thoughts, her mind, her heart belong to another person.. i should wake up by now, it's time i leave.
♥信望爱♥
{*9:57 AM}
Dearest Blog ; Thursday, December 17, 2009
窗外阴天了,灯光也暗了,音乐低声了,人是无聊了,我的心开始想你了. 多久了没有你的消息, 上一封简讯是星期几. 对不起不该让你伤心 请你原谅我不懂逗你开心,请你原谅我不懂听你的心. 小小的爱情却是我最大的幸运,疼爱的想念的都是你. 请原谅我对不起对不起.
从来没想过不能再和你牵手, 委屈时候没有你陪着我心痛, 滴下的眼泪已停不住了,天下起雨了,人是不快乐,我的心真的受伤了. 忙完了一天突然觉得又何必辛劳, 害怕回家不知怎么熬. 你的离开失去多少我计算不了. 离开时的不快乐, 你用卡片手写着, 有些爱只给到这真的痛了. 放不下我对你的任性, 那些爱过的感觉都太深刻,我都还记得. 回忆的音乐盒还旋转着, 要怎么停呢.
怎么办我好想你, 不敢打给你我找不到原因. 什么失眠的声音变得好熟悉. 沉默的场景做你的代替, 陪我等雨停, 期待让人越来越沉溺. 谁和我一样等不到他的谁, 一个人撑伞一个人擦泪, 一个人好累. 怎样的雨怎样的夜, 怎样的我能让你更想念, 雨要多大天要多黑, 才能够有你的体贴, 一切都是我太过骄纵以为你会懂 我多希望你还在我左右 其实没有我你分不出那些, 现实中幸福永远缺货, 笑着难过自我惩罚, 突然觉得我可以死掉 我受不了.
被爱的人不用道歉. 答应你我会好好过, 不让这些眼泪白流.
"We cannot beg someone to stay if they want to leave and be withsomeone else. We have to admit that love doesn't give us the license to own a person. This is what love means...sacrifice."
"Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesnt mean
that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to
say I love you."
"Some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you and you know you can't have them, but it's worse when you thought you didn't want them anymore
and then all of a sudden you realize you can't live without them."
"Deep inside my heart, I'm miserable, knowing that I've lost you. On the outside, I'm pretending
that I've forgotten you."
"A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious; not wanting to give up, but
your hands feel the pain.And, when you finally let go, you're free from any pain, but your hands are empty."
"How can I promise you forever when tomorrow is so far away from me?How can I dry your
tears when I have a bleeding heart inside of me? How can I ever forget you when your name is etched so deep within me?"
"They say no matter how dark the night is, the sun always rises again ... I say lost love makes
one realize that no matter how bright the day is, the sun will always set again."
"A heart breaking isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding.. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling.. And the most painful thing is, no one really hears it, except you.."
"Who do you run to when the only person who can make you stop crying, is exactly the one
who is making you cry?"
though i am gone.. i'll always be in your heart.. when you want to talk to me.. talk to the stars..
as i'll always be there to listen to you.. i'll watch over you forever..
let a knife twist inside me..
let a car run me down..
let the fire burn me up..
but let not your love leave me..
for i can survive knives, car crash, fire, but not your absence.
All i ask for Christmas is you..
♥信望爱♥
{*1:19 AM}
Dearest Blog ; Monday, December 14, 2009
After reading your blog.. I realise that it's all my fault.. Not listening to you.. Always making you unhappy.. Not able to give you happiness.. Before i went to bed.. I told myself to give up, to forget, to let go, not to look back..
Insomnia at 3am.. I wake up suddenly.. Feeling a sharp pain in my heart.. The same pain again every night Bella feel since the day Edward left her (New Moon)
You once ask this qns to yourself.. To follow your heart, or to follow your mind.. My mind tells me to let go.. But my heart.. My subconscious is still full of you.. I can't control..
I can't sleep until 6am.. Fall asleep.. Suddenly dream of you.. Then suddenly I can feel myself floating and flying in the room.. I tried hard to open my eyes, and shouted but i can't open, no voice came out.. I struggled hard for a few mins and i finally managed to wake up.. This is the process of falling into the *deep hole*.. Only u can understand wat i'm talking about.. 11771554
The last time i fall into the deep hole was couple of months ago.. Where i can feel and hear their breathing.. This time is i could feel i'm floating.. There's once a saying.. When someone is at the lowest point of his life.. *those sort of things will look for him* Perhaps i'm one step closer to the underworld?
♥信望爱♥
{*6:49 AM}
Dearest Blog ; Sunday, December 13, 2009
I woke up with tears over my face.. woke up with a sharp pain in my heart.. i can't control my cry.. 男人哭了是因为他真的爱了..i feel the same devastated pain when Edward leave Bella in Twilight: New Moon.. This feeling is back again.. Your promised to give me a memorable birthday celebration.. better than joel.. but all i can feel is your coldness during the KL trip.. It was after you are close to your colleagues that we started drifting apart.. you got lots of friends.. and now, a new love.. I did so much for you.. Every little things.. Try to give you anything you want.. All the little things.. Although i don't have a sweet tongue like other guys.. But every little things i gave you is a token of my love.. Every little things i did for you is showing of my love.. I give you my heart, my soul, my mind, anything, everything i could give you.. Why in the end you hurt me again.. This pain is worst than the previous time you gave me(may to july). It really hurts.. The moment you left.. My light.. My dream.. My oxygen are lost.. Losing you equalent to losing everything.. The purpose in life.. You are my everything.. You are the reason i live.. Nothing can hurt me.. Except you.. No one will understand how painful it is to be hurt by someone you loved most the second time..
Since young i was borne without getting to see my grandparents.. i have a heartless dad and uncle.. my only kin left is my mum.. why GOD! why since young till now you took away all my happiness, leaving me in darkness and loneliness..
How can you be so 忍心 to me.. You have a new love.. You seems so happy.. You're not affected at all.. like nothing happen.. Don't you feel any guilty,remorse or regret? For hurting someone who loved you this 1 year 3 months.. why does everyone get all the care and concern but all i get is loneliness and darkness..
I can't give you happiness, i always disappointed you and make you unhappy.. it's all my fault.. my birthday wish will never be fulfill with you leaving me..
There are people who pursue wealth, some pursue power, some pursue fame.. and I've been pursuing love as the main objective of my life.. end up i lost everything.. i'm a failure.. a loser in love.. it's all my fault..i know i stand no chance at all..but i cant let go
Can you feel my pain? only those who watch Twilight New Moon will understand my pain..
♥信望爱♥
{*7:23 AM}
Dearest Blog ; Saturday, December 12, 2009
It happened too fast, feelings fade, she fall for another person within short periods..
i can't believe it.. it was just like a dream, it is like we just get together yesterday and today she left.. in love with her for 1 year 3 months.. together with her for 1 year 1 month.. it's over le..
Heart feel so pain.. you are my everything.. you are the reason that keeps me living.. without you.. there's no meaning in life.. i'm not afraid of anything.. no one can hurt me except you.. and you really hurt me again.. no matter how much i struggle.. god will never let me have any happiness.. i'm really tired of everything.. tired of life..
♥信望爱♥
{*12:51 PM}
Dearest Blog ; Friday, December 4, 2009
Today got a company event which is to watch Twilight: New Moon. At first i tot it is a boring movie, but it turns out to be quite nice.
Sometimes love can be so strong, strong until you can give up everything, friends, family, and even at the risk of your life just to see the one you love.
But love can be so fragile too..
You are my everything, you are the only reason that keeps me living..
I'm not afraid of anything.. nothing can hurt me.. except you.
I'm not afraid of anything.. nothing can hurt me.. except you.
♥信望爱♥
{*2:06 PM}
Dearest Blog ; Thursday, December 3, 2009
Today is suppose to be our 9 + 4 months together, but i guess, u aren't happy at all ba.. On this special day, you actually press delete button 22 times and delete 22 photos.. i guess i know what you mean by doing so.. Your feelings are fading day by day.. While mine.. 爱的越深伤的越痛。
你的回话凌乱着, 在这个时刻, 甜蜜散落了, 情绪莫名的拉扯, 我还爱你呢, 而你断断续续唱着歌, 假装没事了, 时间过了走了, 爱情面临选择, 你冷了倦了我哭了, 离开时的不快乐, 你用卡片手写着, 有些爱只给到这, 真的痛了,
怎么了你累了, 说好的幸福呢, 我懂了不说了, 爱淡了梦远了, 开心与不开心一一细数着, 你再不舍, 那些爱过的感觉都太深刻, 我都还记得, 你不等了, 说好的幸福呢?
窗外阴天了, 人是无聊了, 我的心开始想你了, 电话响起了, 你要说话了,还以为你心里对我又想念了, 怎么你声音变得冷淡了, 是你变了, 灯光熄灭了, 音乐静止了, 滴下的眼泪已停不住了, 天下起雨了, 人是不快乐, 我的心真的受伤了.
下雨天了怎么办, 我好想你, 不敢打给你, 我找不到原因, 什么失眠的声音, 变得好熟悉, 沉默的场景, 做你的代替
陪我听雨滴, 期待让人越来越沉迷, 谁和我一样, 等不到他的谁, 爱上你我总在学会, 寂寞的滋味, 一个人撑伞, 一个人擦泪, 一个人好累, 怎样的雨怎样的夜, 怎样的我能让你更想念, 雨要多大天要多黑, 才能够有你的体贴, 怎样的雨怎样的夜, 怎样的我能让你更想念, 雨要多大天要多黑, 才能够有你的体贴?
从来没想过不能再和你牵手, 委屈时候没有你陪着我心痛, 一切都是我太过骄纵以为你会懂, 其实这份爱没停过, 曾经完整幸福的梦在脑海里头, 我多希望你还在我左右, 答应你我会好好过, 不让这些眼泪白流.
我忘了没人陪我通宵, 要多少替代的丑角无辜的陪笑, 才会让我能真的忘了你的好, 藉着热闹掩盖着心跳, 边哭边笑偏要说着一个人真好, 害怕回家不知怎麽熬, 这麽多年早就习惯有你的撒娇, 我想我能熬但是至少要让我知道你好不好, 你的离开失去多少我计算不了, 忙完了一天突然觉得又何必辛劳对谁炫耀, 突然觉得我可以死掉我受不了!
♥信望爱♥
{*10:35 PM}
Dearest Blog ;
Work work work..
Stress stress stress..
With so much work to do.. And i'm the only person.. How much longer can i hold on until?
Today i get complained by someone who i respected alot.. Really feel rm disappointed that he actually backstab me..
Working and studying at the same time.. I really can't handle the stress le.. Gonna breakdown soon..
A couple of days ago i just made my birthday wishes.. But i guess it will never come true..
♥信望爱♥
{*6:10 PM}
Dearest Blog ; Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Exam is coming just next week..
But i totally have no mood to study.. No mood to eat.. No mood to work.. No mood to do anything..
My efforts have gone down the drains.. The history is repeating again..
The same words, said the second time.. 真的好痛好痛，心如刀割。
My buddies are all happily attached and busy with the other half.. I'm the only left over one..
很快很快，就只剩下我孤伶伶一个人了。
我唯一的朋友只剩下这个 Blog 了， 只有在这里，我才能把心里不开心的事说出来。
No one can understand how i feel.. The feeling of 孤独寂寞，sick le also no one cares, no one to talk to, feel that i'm the only one in this world.. Where the world is fill with darkness..
I hate this feeling! I'm going crazy!
Even the hopes of buying a new flat with my mum is dashed.. Thanks to the government for eating people's hard earn cpf money..
Everyday living in the risk of getting chase out of the house anytime..
With the current appointment i'm holding.. Lost of voice, flu and cough.. Sick le also can't take mc to rest..
从小到大， 不幸的事总是发生在我身上。老天爷啊！你到底要折磨我到什么时候才肯放过我？一点幸福也不给我！
For the past few days, people have been wishing me happy birthday, asking me did i enjoy the trip. How should i reply them when i'm not? I forced myself to put on a smile, and answer ya, 还好。
真是同人不同命，I'm not *them*.. I will never be able to receive the nice treatment like them..
忙完了一天觉得又何必辛劳，对谁炫耀？ 害怕回家不知怎么熬。突然觉得我可以死掉，我受不了。
♥信望爱♥
{*8:42 PM}
